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The First Church of Stupidstition

The Apostate Almanack

Vol. MMXXVI · No. VIIThe Congregation’s Calendar of Rites & RevelsPrice: One (1) ✦
The First Church of Stupidstition presenteth

The Apostate Almanack

✦ Events · Services · Rituals · Revels ✦
Saturday · September 12, 2026Weather: locally miraculous · 0% chance of fateEstablished in defiance
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The Full Bill of Fare
☉ Science & ReasonThu, Jul 23 · 9:00p

Backyard Telescope Night

◈ North Parking Lot

Bring a lawn chair. We aim actual glass at the actually-real sky and confirm, once again, that the stars are not texting you.

Posted by Deacon GaryFree42 going
❦ Fellowship & FeastsFri, Jul 24 · 5:00p

Casserole & Skepticism Potluck

◈ The Fellowship Hall

Nine casseroles, zero horoscopes. The tuna schism is officially resolved. Label your allergens; do not label them “cursed.”

Posted by Sister DebFree88 going
✝ ServicesSat, Jul 25 · 7:00p

Choir: Hymns of Hilarious Heresy

◈ The Choir Loft

Rehearsal for Sunday’s repertoire. This week, three-part harmony on “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Manifested.” Bring water; mockery is thirsty work.

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree38 going
✝ ServicesSun, Jul 26 · 10:30a

Sunday Service of Unbelief

◈ The Main Hall (folding chairs of reason)

The weekly rite: hymns that lovingly mock absurd beliefs, a sermon on Not Falling For It, and the passing of a real collection bucket — we…

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree214 going
‽ Debate & HecklingTue, Jul 28 · 7:30p

Astrology On Trial

◈ The Debate Pit

Astrology takes the stand. The verdict is decided by evidence, not by which sign you are — that is, in fact, the entire point.

Posted by Brother Dave3 ✦61 going
⚄ Game NightThu, Jul 30 · 8:00p

Tarot Poker (the cards mean nothing)

◈ Rec Room B

Standard poker, tarot deck. The Death card is a two of clubs and it owes nobody anything. Snacks provided; fortunes are not.

Posted by Novice Chad5 ✦33 going
✝ ServicesSun, Aug 2 · 8:00p

The Thirteenth: A Rite Against Coincidence

◈ The Undercroft

Certified cursed, statistically fine. We gather beneath the number the world fears and calmly, deliberately, do nothing bad for one full hour.

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree132 going
✝ ServicesSun, Aug 2 · 10:30a

Sunday Service of Unbelief II

◈ The Main Hall

Same rite, new week, identical quantity of the supernatural (zero). Newcomers welcome, skeptics adored, casseroles blessed in the strictly metaphorical sense.

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree207 going
❦ Fellowship & FeastsWed, Aug 5 · 6:30p

Salt-Toss Cook-Off

◈ The Grill Pit

Season your food, not your fears. Toss the salt into the brisket, not over your shoulder. Judges score flavor and rational technique.

Posted by Sister Deb5 ✦54 going
✚ Good WorksFri, Aug 7 · 12:00p

Knock-on-Wood Anonymous · BBQ

◈ The Courtyard

A support group for recovering wood-knockers, followed by a barbecue. Step one: admit the table has no opinion on your future.

Posted by Brother KevinFree63 going
✝ ServicesSat, Aug 8 · 6:30p

Vespers of Verified Facts

◈ The Reading Room

A midweek evening liturgy. We read peer-reviewed abstracts aloud in a solemn voice until they stop sounding scary. Citations are sung responsively.

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree71 going
☉ Science & ReasonSun, Aug 9 · 11:00a

Vaccine-Myth Debunk Brunch

◈ The Fellowship Hall

Waffles and citations. A friendly RN answers every question, however wild, without a single eye-roll (she has practiced).

Posted by Nurse Priya4 ✦47 going
✝ ServicesSun, Aug 9 · 10:30a

Sunday Service + Group De-Baptism

◈ The Font (a kiddie pool)

The regular service, plus an optional De-Baptism for any wishing to formally un-join a thing. A towel is provided. Unblessed grape juice follows.

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree189 going
♫ Choir & SongWed, Aug 12 · 8:00p

Karaoke of Purely Rational Bangers

◈ The Fellowship Annex

Only songs with no supernatural claims. “Total Eclipse of the Heart” permitted strictly as astronomy. Tambourine of Doubt provided.

Posted by The Karaoke Deacons2 ✦29 going
✝ ServicesThu, Aug 13 · 7:00p

Evangelism Workshop: Politely Ruining a Séance

◈ The Fellowship Annex

Field training in kind, curious science-evangelism. Role-play scripts included. We do not debunk rudely — we debunk with snacks.

Posted by the Vestry · ChurchFree56 going
‽ Debate & HecklingSat, Aug 15 · 7:00p

Name That Fallacy · Pub Trivia

◈ The Tavern of Reason

Six rounds of logical fallacies. Ad hominem is worth double. Heckling encouraged, provided it is well-sourced.

Posted by Brother Dave3 ✦51 going