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Mercury Is in Gatorade Again — The Illuminated Tract
✦✦✦✦· holiness · 1 testimony
The sermon as a print-blessed broadsheet. Suitable for framing, forwarding, and thy dentist’s waiting room.
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Choose thy license
Two Paths of Possession
For thine own screens, shrines, wallpapers, and ringtones. One soul, unlimited devices, zero resale. Sharing within thy household is tolerated; the Vestry looks away.
For works sold at a profit: merch, apps, ticketed sermons. Attribution to the First Church required in the colophon. Four times the price, four times the absolution.
Thou shalt receive
✦ The Illuminated Tract (print & save as PDF)
✦ Complimentary guilt (non-refundable)
Thou hast gazed upon this relic for 0:00. The Vestry logs this.
This relic asks Convert standing. Apply for Conversion, or ascend — the fog lifts instantly.
Souls also indulged in
✦✦✦✦·“I beheld it once and my houseplants recovered. Coincidence is a word for cowards.”
— Sister Deb, verified soul
✦✦✦✦·“Downloaded instantly. The guilt arrived even faster. Five sparkles.”
— Brother Kevin, Zealot
